心如刀割

可能是自己想太多。

可是碰巧那么多事情令我想太多。

我崩溃了。

可能这次的考试也和我一起崩溃了。

谁都不希望这种事发生在自己身上。

以前，不知道遇到这种事后会有什么感受。

原来这种感受并不好受。

可能是因为我太在乎了。

不过，我想我已经很冷静了。

冷静了一天，终于把它爆了出来。

然而，一切总算雨过天晴。

我拿到了我要的答案。

顶端

总觉得这几天很难渡过。

四面八方的压力另我喘不过气。
妈妈说这是我自找的麻烦。

我努力尝试只想开心的。

我发现只是自己在骗自己。

自我检讨到很累。

为什么不能做回真正的自己。

为什么要一直为别人着想。

为什么要做自己不喜欢的事。

我想逃离首都，出去吹吹风。

so good bye, don't cry and smile.

21岁生日

我在面子书上表明我会好好享受今年的生日。

可是，我努力过了，我做不到。

18 岁的这一天这样，21岁的这一天也这样。

在之前来说，21 岁对我意义很重大。

因为长大了，连投票都有权利了，还不是大人了吗？

我看过妈妈的旧照片，她21岁有办生日会，生日会上有个锁匙形的生日蛋糕。

我以前有想过，21岁生日也要来个这样的蛋糕。

妈妈有问我，要不要搞生日会。

我知道生日会并不能让我开心，还要麻烦到出席者苦恼要送什么礼物。

我干脆算了，在家里过就算了。

21岁的第一天，我怎样过。

早上十点起来，看了一下新加坡戏，冲了凉，再顺便算算谁祝贺我。

中午吃过斋饭，就开始派传单。

那里的祖屋共有三座。

每一座有25层楼。

我以M字形一楼一楼往下走。

一间一间地把传单塞进门下，一间一间地派。

一面派，我一面想，我很幸福，很有幸地活到21岁。
一面猜测收到传单的人们不知道派传单的人是个寿星婆。

同时，心中一直期待，等下我会看到一辆熟晰的车，或是一个熟晰的人。

下午四点，好不容易派完了。
列热当空拿着雨伞回家了。

再来算算谁给我生日祝福。
面子上留了言：我送了自己一件上衣，一件牛仔裤，一双高跟鞋，一堆巧克力饼干，一碗炸酱面，一杯水翁，走下119层楼梯，走了超过 4公里的路， 祝我自己生日快乐~

没有超过三个人知道我的心其实不好过。。。

脚真的痛了，头也重了，打算睡一睡。

还没睡醒就为了一个该死的麻烦顾客被妈妈骂，骂到清醒为止。

头只能塞在枕头下面，流眼泪。

我不知道我到底为了什么哭，我只知道眼泪一直流。

看过很好看的香港连续剧，吃过鸭肉咸蛋白粥作为晚餐。

得空了，又算算谁为我留言了。

突然有感觉要缝东西，结果就一个人做在缝纫机前剪剪缝缝。

泪又掉了。一直在检讨，我有问题吗？我做错决定了吗？

好不容易，终于研究到怎样缝纸巾套了。

最后又要算谁留言了。

破300了，我知道，许下愿望未必会成真，所以没有许下愿望。

最后我决定将这一天的经历记下。

这一天，我不会忘记。

至少跟其他天比起来，其他天都会比今天开心。

我知道这篇日记会被面子书会自动上载，

明早要快快清除，只留给懂得这个“家”的朋友看就好了。

300 多个生日祝福，但我生日不快乐。

我真的“泪”了。。。

晴天霹雳

两个月前发生的事，

我现在才知道。

我不知道能做些什么。

头脑一片空白。

一摸?

不懂怎么形容,
心情不是很好.
请不要怪我有时躲在一旁,
因为我还没有应酬大家的心情.

我好想发泄,
原谅我会无端端唱歌.

我还是不喜欢求人,
求人不是我的本性.
都是妈妈培育成我倔强的心理,
我也欣赏独立的自己,
所以原谅我没有改变自己的想法,
因为我不想改变.

好想找人聊.
不知道要从哪里说起.
最近的部落都很沉,
没有故事讲了,
只有心情日记,
可能被某人的日记影响了吧~

怎么办?
我要回快乐的心情~

I Hate You!

I beh tahan...
Really beh tahan!!!

Now I realise you are so....!@#$%^&*
Not like a girl...
Face fat,
body fat,
ass fat,
leg fat...
Everything fat!

Any girl on the road all slim than you...
Who are you?!
Pig lar!!!

Took 100 pics,
can't even choose a nice pic...
Because you are fat...

I really dissapointed...
Why the god create you such a lazy attitude...?!
You fat until I feel like want to vomit...
Your face is bigger than a bun...
even bigger than JangHuDong...
You are so ugly, you know?!

Please go away!!!
Get out of my life!!!
I don't want to see you anymore!!!

Wondering I am scolding who..?
Just type a full name as I/C of anyone, in small letter,
see whether you get it or not...

Show encrypted text

Sorry for my broken english...
Now less mix with Johanian,
my english more sucks!

From:
http://lansliyn.blogspot.com

Update the story~

Haih...
I being more lazy to update blog recently...
Maybe addicted to Facebook games:
Restaurant City, Theme School, and Hotel City...
The post for this month only 10...
Less than half of previous...

Many things I want to share...
But just lazy to type it out...

**************************

Do you guys remember @ few posts ago,
I mentioned that my neighbor having cancer..?
Here, I have something to update...

YES, she is now suffering for cancer...
BUT!!!
That time she shout at her house,
is not because she is really pain, from the deceases..

What I heard from mom recently...

Some dirty things disturb the neighbor...
Actually she is a teacher that teach ppl how to read Jawi and 'mengaji'...
For your knowledge, 'mengaji' is for religion purpose, ofcoz for Muslim...

The neighbor said,
she totally can't remember what was happening...
and why she shouted...

From her,
she said that something dirty want to disturb her,
since she is doing something good for her religion...
So that, she can't teach anymore...
[you know lar... if ppl dono how to pray, something bad will happen..]

And she said the dirty thing want her to hurt her husband...
[Her husband is really a good man, good in religion, and responsible dad...]
That day she shouted so loudly, and even want to thrash her husband...
[So clearly, means the dirty things want to make them seperate]

Yea...
This is what I heard...
So, unbelievable...
What to do..?
You still need to carry normal activity...

Health is more important than anything!

When I was doing the account,
I heard someone shouting outside...
I dono what she shout,
just know something noisy...

My mom tot the ppl shouting there becoz fighting with her sons...
Or her sons make her angry...
I said, ''No lar... why she cried like someone passed away?''

My mom went to have a look...
The one who was shouting there is my neighbor...
It was just 2 doors next to my house...
there are many shoes infront of her house...

My mom walked back home with a sad look...
I tot really someone passed away...
I asked ''her husband pass away arr...?''
Mom said, she was screaming because she felt pain...
*she is an aunty*

The neighbor having cancer...
Her husband try many ways to get different medicines...
But she still suffer in disease....

I know her husband pray (sembahyang) every morning...
Everytime I went to school @ 6.30p.m.,
I can heard he was praying...

So, what can god do..?
Ask the god...
He will reply you...

Sad mood

It's after exam...
But I found 1 more thing is harder than the exam...
That is MAKING DECISION!

It's holiday now...
And a performance will be held very soon...
We never have the chance to practice...

The leader just told me that a practise will be held on coming Sunday...
Shit man!
I have appointment with my jimuiS...
So shit!
I gave my suggestion to separate the 4 hours practise to Saturday and Sunday...
So that at least I can attend the Saturday one...
At the end, FAIL!

This performance seems to be not important in my life...
But, I really care for it...
Holding the mic and dance...
I never try this both things to be done at the same time...

About 10 old friends meet together at Taman Pertanian...
Which I wish for it so much...
[ although I'm not the organisor... ]
I cannot ask those friends to tolerate me...
Since they planned long long time ago...
Sorry, I have to ffk...
I have no choice...
Ker Xin... sorry...
I don't mean to hurt u...

Dono why,
I feel like crying...

*********************************************************

32 just told me she can't attend to Penang Countdown Party...
I feel little bit dissapointed...

But 32,
never mind...
I understand your condition...
If I were you,
I also will choose money and career...

Don't feel so sorry to me...
You already apologized ma...
It's ok...
You no need purposely find ppl to replace your places..
I just wish my friends sincerely to enjoy the countdown party...

Don't feel sorry to me, ok?
I understand de...
Maybe we can go another trip in future together... ^^

******************************************************

Ning Xin invited me to Sky Trek...
Which on 2nd January...
I really hope that I will start to work at January...
So, I haven't agree yet...
By the way,
since I will miss the gathering on Sunday,
I wish to go there too through Ning Xin's trip...

But I really need a job...
A job which is not promoting and standing...
I bored of this coz I worked since 14...
I dun wan stay in house and listen mumbles...
ANY VACANCY?

*****************************************************

My friend has a big problem...
I want to help her...
But, I dono how to help her...
The problem is getting bigger and bigger...
I'm so worry...
Worry of everything...

Well, I know she will read my post...
''I'm glad that you sharing your problem with me...
Pls don't feel so sorry to me...
You never create any problem on me...
I don't mind you share your happiness and sadness with me...
I always be there for you...
Don't think too much and take care...''

***********************************************************

My mom told me she feel something in her breast...
I act like caring but actually I'm worrying too...
I hope nothing bad will happen...

***********************************************************

Nothing make me happy today...
Dono why my CPU so abedient today...
Never automatically switch off,
and can on for 12 hours...

Good Boy, CPU!

肺腑之言

[很久没有写华文部落了~]

在还没写之前，
我心想很多东西要发表，
但是不懂哪里开始。。。
所以，就随便一句话开始吧~

嗯~
其实我们做每件事情都有人看到。。。
所有动作都有目共睹的。。。
所以，自己承诺过的事一定要办到。。。
因为大家都在观察你有没有去履行。。。
看一个人是为了兴趣还是职位进团体，
很容易一目了然。。。

平时，说得自己好像很有经验，很会领导，
但实际上，自己没有做出成果。。。

有些人被信任的人看好，
被信任的人不断推荐，
不停的为他说好话，
或许希望有些人比别人更有所作为。。。
但是有些人其实只有表面功夫，
灵魂都不在所在地。。。

我问过了，
身边的人都发觉了这个问题的存在。。。
只是没有人敢大声的提出来。。。
大家都心想：
半年都已经过了，提了出来会等于零。。。

原来，大家心中有数。。。

无可否认，我对有些人很失望。。。

失望到有想去骂人的感觉。。。

但是，我能力有限，没有骂人的权力。。。

我多希望我是董事长。。。

我火起来是不好惹的。。。

毕竟，都离开了，

只能把有些人的影响分数减到零。。。

因为从此以后，

有些人不会在我的生活圈子里出现。。。

一个好的团体，
需要好的领袖，

需要好的会员。

如果会员是一堆泥，

你不可能期望泥会配合你；

如果会员是一堆泥，

领袖有责任去带动那一堆泥；

如果领袖也是一堆泥，

整个团体等着垮下来。。。

当你兴致勃勃去做一件事情，

没有人配合，

一切等于零。。。

你有多大的能力，

就算有一百，

人家也把你视为零。。。

我最遗憾的，

我不是董事长。。。

Damn, Woman!

For the first time,
I scolding bad word in my blog...

YOU! really irritated me...
Have foul mouth,
horrible make up,
disgraceful words,
disgusting attitude!

I dun think that is a problem...
But YOU think it was a big problem...
Small case wat...
Why magnify the problem...
Why dun YOU magnify your make-up see how horrible you are?

As long as the goal is achieved,
other matter is not a matter!
I'm regret to know YOU!
Made my life so unhappy...

If YOU not happy,
just leave lar!
Nobody wants YOU to stay!

I wish so much that YOU get out of my life!

* Some friends need to be chose properly...
Just ignore those who make u unhappy...
Just kick her/him out of your life...

Why?

Why I feel so alone...?
[not lonely...]
Why they ignore me...?
Every time I say something,
I can't get any reply...
I think I better keep my mouth shut...
Bcoz watever I say, nobody listen...

Did I do something wrong...?
Or I speak too soft...?
Or i speak nonsense..?
Can u give me some respond...?

I always walk bhind the crowd...
Coz I was ignored...
Maybe you think it's normal...
No need to be sad...
But, for me, it hurt me...
I think of my SMP gang...
YokeSee, KerXin and LihLin...
At least...
They listen what I'm trying to say...

I walked toward SJI gate alone...
Started on my MP3 on my phone...
On my way to take bus and buy my new scul shoes...

Why my phone has so much korean sad song...?
Why I dropped my tear in the bus...?
Yea... Tear but not Tears...
It's so embarassing if ppl bside us see us crying...

Why I met SJI friend in the bus...?
I swallow back the tear...
Acted like nothing happen...
But I can guess my voice was different...
Shaking...

She asked me:
"Why alone?"
I had to reply:
"Buy shoes only wat... no need ppl accompany me..."

I knew, only KerXin will agree to accompany me wherever I want to go...

I force myself to be tough until I get down off the bus...
Walked and finding the Bata shop again...


Sad, I have to solve it by my favourite food...


In the restaurant, I saw my Ex-colleague...
Said 'Hi' to her, and continued my lunch...
I told everything to LihLin by sms...
Once again... My tear...
Facing the Ex-colleague,
I had to hang my head all the time...

It's a torment experience if you want to cry in public...
Becoz you can't control yourself...
I can't comtrol myself...

Life is a Joke...

Long time I din update my blog...
Every time I open the webpage of my blog,
I got no feeling to do it...
The only thing to do is read other people's blog...

Friends' blog can easily effect my whole day mood...
Sometime I think the issue for the whole day...
Or sad for the whole day...
What can I do..?
I can't control myself from reading the blogs...
I know i'm gepo lar...

Man would cry for life..?
I'm wonder about it...
Yea...
Really a lot of ppl are keeping complaining about their life....
But what can we do..?
This is fate, we need to overcome it...

Are you happy if your way is 100% in positive direction?
If sad thing never happen,
then how you differentiate happy and sad..?
So, chill lar friends...

Complaining is not wrong...
But, most important thing is to change the condition...
If you did it,
that mean you are succeed...

I beg every family have their own problem...
Yes, 100%...

If you complaining you are borned in wrong family,
then who am I..?

Do your family facing such problems:
Ah-Long?
Parent divorce?
Stay in other people house bcoz of Ah-Long ..?
about 6 Polices came into your house?
Pegawai came into your house?
Stay in police station for the whole day and worrying your family?
Religion problem?
Revising UPSR in your tenent's house?
Ah-Long broke your house window?
Your mom locked the door and you hav to stay overnight neighbour's house?
You have more than 1 mother or father?
You have another brother or sister that are not from same parent?
Having a gambling father?
Stay in a house with 2 other women only?
Lost two condominiums just becoz of the second father?

Maybe now,
u will glad you have a normal family...

For my pretty friend...

I mean that 'got wo'...
Sorry for my sucks english...
i'm also blurred...
yea...
It was my fault to put yr name up there...

I'm not dare to confront with u...
I think if I call u straight away,
u will be more irritated...
I'm sure...

I don't want to lose u as my friend...
I did it wrongly...
Totally...
I think need to delete such idiot post that made u irritated...
Really... argh.... #$%^&*@

I scared that will influence our friendship...
Yea...
So Sorry...
对不起。。。
对唔住...
Minta maaf...
죄송합니다...

Let everything end here...
I love u, my friend...
Forgive me, ok...?

Shit !!!

A lot of SHIT around me,
so I'm not happy~

Be careful of EVERYONE around you...
they might be the shit that influence your image or reputation...
for UNECESSARY matter!

So SHIT today!

Report Card 日

我很怕Report Card Day。
不是因为怕被骂，而是怕她多讲话！

自己本身英语不是很好，好要死命炫耀自己的英文。
她从来不会在老师面前说我的好话，
反而，有什么坏的都爆出来。
要爆的，都爆对我极之不利的，
从来没有说其实她也曾经利用我。

Miss Chia一直帮我说好话，
说我原本的basic比较差，
只是说我不会分配时间。

她是相反的，
像是要跟老师比赛讲话似的！
说我整天上网，什么 hello~hi~bye~
试问她几时坐我的隔壁看我上网？！
玩MSN除了打交道，就是问学校的事情。
像她一样吗？一个贴心的朋友都没有，
有资格乱讲话吗？
其中上网的20%都是为她忙SNE，
她懂吗？
我花了那么长的时间写心情日记，
她懂吗？

说人家玩Facebook,
自己还不是叫人家帮她申请？！
为什么一直问我上网的东西？
我不会上网，会回答她的问题吗？！
是我坚持要申请 Streamyx,
要我每月自己出RM45，
为什么现在她天天都上网？
说话真的没有经过大脑！

以前Form 5 拿成绩册的时候，
只说我顾着玩SMS。。。
那她买了新电话，
干嘛还花了几天的晚上问我怎样用！
讲人家之前，先想想自己有没有利用过别人！

说来都火大了！
上学费用我自己出，有资格讲东讲习吗？！

死性不改

本来今天，我约了KeXin 到爸爸的店唱K。。。
好不容易从冼都到万绕，
到了了店的门口，竟然是被铁链锁着。
门旁的营业时间表多了一张小小的张的纸，


写着：

UNCLE，你最好在明天早上15/3 开手机，
不然如果有什么后果，我不会负责。
$
016-xxxx 999


字条上的字体很乱，好像没有受过什么教育的。
我知道，不好的事情发生了。

没得唱K了，
跟 KeXin 说，活动取消了，
就回家。


过了几天，在星期五的凌晨十二点多，
我在忙着筹备一日营的工作，
突然有人在敲门。
半夜了，是谁啊？
有两个和我差不多年纪的年轻男人要找爸爸。
一看，就知道是追债的人。
我说，我不认识那个人，为了保护家人嘛！

怎知道，半个小时后，那两个小子又敲门了。
他们说要确定那个人不住在这里，好跟上司交代。
他们跟我要我的身份证作证明，
我知道我有权不拿出身份证，因为他们不是警察。

我便去叫妈妈了。
妈妈也誊清说，那个人已不住这里十年了,
一直扯开拿出身份证的话题，
随随便便把那两个人打发走了。

心，很乱了。
他一定是又去赌钱，
连公积金的钱也提了两次。
为什么死性不改？
有属于自己的一间店了，应该好好做人，
安稳地过完下半辈子。。。
为什么要堵马呢？！
真的给妈妈猜中了，
死性不改！

OBS again...

Yer...
Assembly talked about OBS...
I'm depressed enough...
Bcoz of can't attend OBC...
Really @ # $ % ^ & *!!!

In Miss Chia class,
teacher also support those who go OBC...
She said the cert has higher value than you do 400 Maths question in the holiday...
What the @#$%^&*@#$%^&* !!!
Depress + depress = super depress

I dun think that I saved my RM 100...
But I feel like I lost RM 500...
She realy hurt me in deep...
I mean that one that stay with me...
Not Miss Chia...

I feel jealous on Janet...
Bcoz her father knew the benefits of that camp...
and even how powerful it is...
and she, never borther about it...
I tried to explain, but she din make it in mind...
Suan lah!

Happy Family?!

The last day of February!

Did nothing...
Didn't go for kendo practise...
Didn't go for dancing class...
and facing computer since 10.30a.m...

I hav a new student today...
Nicolas is form 3 now...
I'm teaching him Maths...
His Maths really really very weak...
and today, I earned RM 45... Yeah!

But tis not make me happy...
His mother was not in the house...
I asked for his parents' occupation...
His mom is an accountant...
When i asked his dad's,
he lowered his head, and said: "Divorced."

Oh my god!
What generation is this?!
Everyone around me with a broken family...
So sad! although including me... =_=

Why LOVE cannot stay for long time...?
Old generation stayed of long period relationship...
Recent generation divorced after having their baby...
Then, my generation would be..?
No need to wait until marry already game over larh!

Thus, appreciate what u hav now...
Cherish yr love and don't make yr partner dissapointed...
Dun make yr child suffer!!!

~A Valentine month~

Outward Bound Camp

I wanna go for Outward Bound Camp!!!
But she really do not allow me to go...
after I demanded for 3 days...

She said I have a lot of work to do...
Sri Wijaya, Momhome's account need to be settle...
and my result so sucks!

Then, I want to apologise to Janet...
I agreed to go with her...
But finally I ffk...
Really sorry...

I didn't mean that...

Thanx KimFoo for concerning when I agreed to OBC...

But I let u all disappointed...

Sorry, Janet...
Sorry, KimFoo...